


Welcome to Politics: AKA do we have to?

by CrystalHopeDragon



Series: Revenge Revamped [3]
Category: Invader Zim, Justice League - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 10:34:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29732556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrystalHopeDragon/pseuds/CrystalHopeDragon
Summary: Dib and Zim tackle parenthood and the challenges of running a changing empire. Life goes on.
Relationships: Dib/Zim (Invader Zim)
Series: Revenge Revamped [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2173209
Kudos: 23





	Welcome to Politics: AKA do we have to?

**Author's Note:**

> Surprisingly I skip most of the politics.

Zim made one vow to his newborn daughter; Dib made hundreds. Over the course of the next several weeks he made promise after promise. He promised her a happy childhood, that she’d never feel alone, never feel unwanted, never feel neglected or abandoned. He promised to believe her above all else, and to teach her right from wrong so she wouldn’t abuse that belief. He promised to show her the wonderful universe he knew, and promised she’d always feel like she had a place in it. 

“How do you plan to live up to all of that? That’s a lot of difficult promises to keep.” Zim intoned after Dib made that last promise. Promising her she’d feel like she belonged was a hard one to keep. 

Dib just smiled wonderfully, still rocking his sleeping daughter in his arms. “Because she’ll always have a place with me. Papa will never abandon her, and I’ll make sure she knows that.” He whispers happily as he sways her gently. 

Zim just chuckled, but didn’t question it. He knew in reality it wasn’t always easy to make someone feel accepted, especially someone who would be an outlier from both of her species. Still, he knew how hard his partner would try, and wasn’t about to crush his hope this early. The universe had done that enough for one lifetime, for the both of them. 

———

Ruling an empire was surprisingly easy; dealing with former enemies, not so much. The Irken empire had gotten used to Red and Purple these last few years and as such had basically learned to run itself. It had always been pretty self sufficient anyway. 

Outside of the empire though were hundreds of worlds that wanted revenge, and Zim had put himself in the unfortunate position of having to negotiate this crap. They couldn’t take them down, at least; Zim had the Resisty’s backing as he tried to get things together, and the Irken Empire had always been a powerhouse in and of itself. It’s how it became an empire in the first place, after all. Still, he wasn’t exactly keen on spending his daughters youth fighting revenge based micro wars, so instead he spent the first five months of her life in constant conferences over reparations and treaties. 

It was exhausting, to say the least. Dib took up most of the parenting in the meantime, and Zim came home to them at night after the battle of the day was won. And of course he always won, he was the amazing Zim, only one man could defeat him. That didn’t mean he wasn’t tired though, and he couldn’t wait for this shit to end. 

It took time, but it did eventually petter out as time passed. His work days got shorter, and the time he got with his family expanded. They had a whole universe to explore, so every chance they got they picked a random planet and took her to see something pretty. Gir came along more often then not, even if he was more trouble sometimes then he was worth at times. They nearly always lost him somewhere and had to find him before they could leave. Dib was starting to wonder if they should baby leash him too. 

———

Once in a while Dib was the one tasked with a peace talk, either when Zim thought he was better qualified to deal with the race or if he just wanted a day off. That was the case when 19 year old Dib Membrane walked into the headquarters of the European Union - which had been alerted in advance of what was happening. There were ambassadors from all over the world gathered with the knowledge of the discussion that was about to be held, as it obviously wasn’t just Europe that would be affected. 

He walked up to the front desk, confused as to where he should head. He strolled up with confidence though, knowing what he was about to face, and that he needed to act professional if he wanted anything to get done. He inhaled before stating. “Hi, I’m Dib Membrane, the ambassador from the Irken Empire. Where should I go to prepare my presentation?”

The room fell silent at this, everyone turning to look his way. “You’ve got to be kidding.” Someone muttered. The receptionist seemed confused as to what to do, having not greeted him yet. Dib adjusted his outfit, the closest thing he could get to finery out of an Irken wardrobe (It was kind of a formal black robe thing, but he could work with it. Zim refused to let him wear his normal outfit to political meetings.), before dropping the ID Zim had given him on the desk. 

It immediately sprang to life, projecting his rank and information above it. “Do I need to call Tallest Zim himself to get in, or is this enough?” Dib asked with a raised eyebrow.

“N-no, that’s just fine sir! Please, come this way.” And the receptionist directed him towards a conference room for him to prepare, telling him what door to come out when he was ready. He still had an hour before the main meeting, so he proceeded to organize his notes. He had no intention of bothering to mess with the locals tech, he had plenty of his own to work with.

Once everything was organized and there was only five minutes to spare, he calmly strode out to the podium, setting down his projector on it before stepping back. He allowed a massive projection board to spring out, which immediately was covered with images and information about the empire. 

“Okay then.” He says, smiling at the gathered ambassadors as they looked at him gobsmacked. “My name is Dib Membrane, I am both an ambassador and commander for the Irken Empire. This position is admittedly newly attained, but I promise you that given how we took it, no one’s protesting.” He grinned viciously at that, appreciated the few shudders he saw in the audience. “The new leader has decided that conquering is an outdated practice and a waste of good resources when there’s plenty of land currently in the empire for Irkens to grow on. We really don’t need anything else. That said, we also don’t want any outside trouble, so we’ve been going planet to planet making peace in advance to avoid any unnecessary issues in the future. Given I’m actually from Earth, I was assigned this planet for negotiations.” 

A calm hand slowly raised, one of the few in the audience unimpressed by the projector pitching in. Dib nodded towards him. “And why exactly would a human be appointed to either position in the Irken Empire? What qualifications do you have?” 

Dib raised an eyebrow before switching screens, at which point the audience turned greener then his boyfriend and a few lost their lunch. “Those would be my qualifications.” He pointed to one of the upper images. “That is one of the higher ups I killed with my own hands.” He pointed a couple down. “Those are the beheaded former leaders after I helped hack and sabotage their ship for the final raid.” He motioned a little further down. “There’s one of the early battles where I spread the ultimate weapon on the battlefield.” Everyone was too horrified at the melting Irken bodies to notice it was baked beans. “Here’s me getting the medal from the new leader appointing me to my current position.” Hopefully they wouldn’t notice the looks they were giving each other, not that most humans could read Irken facial expressions. “And here’s the Resisty leaders giving me a similar medal for helping them take down the empire and appoint the new leader in the first place. Any more questions?” Everything was silent for the moment, most still grappling with their lunch. “No? Good. Now as I was saying, I’m here to broker peace. The Irken Empire has many a trade network you’d be welcome to join, and lots of land and space you’d be given safe passage in. All we request is the same. Rights to trade, rights to travel. Taxes and such of course are up for debate. Now, where to start?” 

The debates went on for a while. After his little clip-show, no one questioned his position again. They came to a fairly acceptable agreement by the end of the day and everyone agreed to go home and run it by their respective governments to see if they’d sign. Dib was thrilled to pack up, grabbing his projector before heading for the exit. 

“Hey, wait!” He heard behind him, and turned around. Standing before him was Wonder Woman herself. “I was hoping I could catch you. Got a moment?” 

He raised an eyebrow. “A quick one, sure. I have somewhere to be soon though.” She smiled brightly, motioning to the dining hall.

“It won’t take long.” They grabbed some food and sat down for a snack, Dib honestly glad to have some human food in front of him again. The Irkens tried to replicate it for him but given their allergies, there were limits.

“So how’d you wind up with the Irken Empire?” She asked, curious.

Dib snorted before taking a bite, making her wait as he swallowed. “It came out of nowhere, honestly. I was perfectly content to live on Earth with my boyfriend, going on little space adventures from time to time. He wound up pregnant though and couldn’t imagine raising a kid in a universe where the empire was still out there, waiting to attack. So now it isn’t. The old leaders are out of power, we now have it, and our baby girl is safe.”

She raised an eyebrow. “So he’s an elite in the Irken Empire as well?”

Dib grinned. “You could say that.”

“Well that’s actually perfect. You see, the Justice League was hoping to get a word in with the new mysterious ambassador from the Irken Empire, but two would be even better. Could I possibly invite you both to a political dinner on the watchtower? Your child is welcome as well, of course.” Dib blinked, surprised. 

“The Justice League would like to meet...me and my spouse.” Dib withholds his snicker. “Why the hell not. More positive connections and all that. Here’s my phone number, we’ll have to set up a time and date we’re all free.”

That was exceedingly difficult, but after a couple months they managed it. It also took a bit to convince Zim.

“There’s really no reason for both of us to go. You’re just bragging at this point.”

Dib grinned. “Of course there is, it’s a positive political connection AND we get to spend time as a family. Plus, who wouldn’t brag about being your mate?” 

Zim preened under the praise, chest puffing out in pride as he adjusted their sleeping daughter in his arms. “Very true, all shall be jealous of you for having a partner as amazing as ZIM.” 

Dib smiled softly at his bragging partner. His pride was endearing to him these days, especially after all they’d been through. After all the trails and stress, it’s nice to see Zim being himself again.

———

So here they were, getting off an Irken Flag Ship at the famous Watchtower. Their daughter was looking around with childish innocence, fascinated by all the pretty lights. The minute they stepped out the whispers started.

“You told me you met an ambassador, not the leader!” Batman whispered quickly. 

“I did, the youth beside him was the ambassador. He said he’d bring his...oh.” She stopped, looking at their baby. “It seems his spouse is the leader.” 

Dib snickered, stepping forward with Zim.

“That I am. Before we start any boring formalities however, I believe I was informed there’d be refreshments? It’s been quite some time since I was near Earth, and I’d quite like some chocolate.” Zim pitches in, marching past them, headless of their struggles. Dib just smiles helplessly and follows after. The leaders came with.

“Sorry if we shocked you too badly. I’ll be honest, I kinda just wanted to see your expressions.” Dib admitted with a grin, holding his cooing baby as his spouse loaded up on snacks. “We do come in peace and all that though.”

“It is...a bit of a shock.” Wonder Woman admitted, glancing between the three of them. “We were hoping to learn more about Irken culture before meeting the leader, and there being a human ambassador almost seemed too good to be true. We honestly weren’t expecting you to be married to him.” 

Dib snickered, adjusting Honey when she started to get antsy. “We aren’t technically married yet, I suppose. We use the term sometimes but we’ve had so little time between the revolution and the baby and ruling an empire we haven’t had any time left over to plan a wedding. And Zim won’t let me just put the damn ring on.” 

“It’s the spectacle!” His partner shouted, walking back to them with a plate full of sweets. He handed a chocolate over to his daughter with a smile. “If I, the glorious Zim, am going to be following your Earth customs in terms of connections, then you will give me a ceremony befitting of it!”

Dib smiled but rolled his eyes. “I know, I know. Just telling them.”

Zim turned to them, finally looking them over as he nibbled on a donut. “So you are the famous Justice League I’ve heard so much about.”

“Good things, I hope?” Superman pitched in, pasting on a smile.

Zim raised an antennae. “Some of them. Mind control isn’t becoming, you know.”

They all blinked at that. “You believe us?”

Zim snorted. “Of course I do. I’ve seen your video messages to the planets you harmed. Your message is as goody two-shoes as my partner. No, you’re all too foolishly naive, but you don’t seem the kind to cause damage like that unintentionally. Which tells me you didn’t have any intent or control during the whole incident.” He rolled his eyes, not that they could tell. “No, I’m disappointed you got controlled so easily. Your power is talked up so heavily amongst your allies, it’s unbecoming that you got manipulated so easily.”

Superman actually seemed offended at that. “And you can do better?”

Both of them snorted at that. “Obviously.” Dib pitched in.

“I’m Irken.” Zim said, like that explained it all. When they didn’t take the bait he sighed, explaining. “My entire culture is designed around control. When you disobey they mind wipe you back to a state where you will obey. I’ve overridden that change, twice.”

Dib grinned next. “Not to mention the sheer number of times we tried mucking up each other’s heads when I was growing up. I can’t count the number of times I had to maintain enough control to remove a chip from my own brain, or at least get my sister to.” At their horrified looks Dib shrugged. “We all have things we had to work through.”

“How did you say you met again?” Wonder Woman asked, now deeply concerned. “And how long have you-?” She gestured between them. 

Dib rolled his eyes. “You don’t want to know how we met, it’d just cause you unnecessary concern. If it helps though, we’ve only been together a year and a half, and I came onto him.” He glanced at his daughter, who was munching away happily. “She was a very quick and unexpected surprise.” He parted her hair with his hand, careful to avoid the delicate antennae. “Not an unwelcome one, though.”

Batman’s eyes softened at that, and he glanced across the room at his MANY wards. “THAT I understand.” He pulled out a chair, gesturing for one of them to sit. Dib did so gratefully, while Zim took the seat next to him. “Now, let’s talk politics.”

———

Being the Tallest was every young Irken’s dream. The idea of being the largest and most powerful being in a multi-galaxy spanning empire? Who wouldn’t want that? Zim himself had held onto that dream for far too many years after it was feasible to him, given how small he’d been when he stopped growing naturally. It was obviously impossible, but Zim wasn’t one to accept the impossible. 

Impossible as it had seemed, here he was. He may not actually be the tallest in his empire, but he’s certainly in charge, and by far the most powerful. The thing is, he’s not certain what he wants to do with that power now. Back in the day he’d had plenty of ideas. Conquering the universe, controlling the masses, destroying everything in his path, yada yada. The thing is though, he doesn’t really want that now. 

Earth...Earth wasn’t perfect. At times it was downright horrendous. But after he’d stopped trying to conquer it and actually spent time exploring it...it had its positives. Though some food was outright toxic, the hedonism of humanity knew no bounds, and what sweets they did make were downright decadent. The planet had a diversity of decoration and color, and if they ever cleaned up the pollution might actually make a good tourism spot. The point was, there were reasons to not want to destroy it. And it made him wonder if other planets were like that as well. If other unconquered races had as much diversity and creativity as humanity. So he went looking through the database on the planets they owned before they’d conquered and...yes, they were. They were just as strange and disorganized as Earth. 

It was inefficient, it was a waste of resources. Art and culture had no practical result, so to speak. But Zim remembered the joy he felt, looking at Townsville for the first time. That joy...didn’t feel useless. So despite his entire upbringing screaming against it, he came up with his first decision as a Tallest.

“Computer!” He shouted to his base, transferred from Earth to the massive quickly after they moved. 

“YES SIR?” 

“Call me a council of Irken Elites!”

It sighed. “YES SIR.” 

Soon after some of the greatest minds of the Irken Empire were gathered in his office. He pulled up images on the screens in his office, pictures of his favorite murals from Earth.

“I demand art.” He stated, looking them over.

They bowed. “Of course, my Tallest. How would you like your statue designed?” 

Zim raised an eyebrow, motioning to the images. “A statue is all well and good, I’d like quite a few. I’d like some of this as well though. Preferably something unique, an Irken style for it.” 

They turned around, confused. “What purpose do these...squiggles serve to enhancing your glory or the glory of the empire?” One asked. 

Zim raised an eyebrow. “They apply aesthetic beauty to our empire, allowing for more enjoyable viewing experiences.” 

“Yes but, why?” A different one asked, still lost. Zim signed, pinching his forehead. 

“Never mind, be off. I’ll figure it out myself.” They looked like they wished to protest, but left as ordered. The power of the Tallest was absolute after all, and any good Irken soldier followed without question. 

Zim’s head snapped up, catching the problem. They follow without question, of course. Irkens were taught from birth to never think for themselves, lest they fail their empire and be reset. Only defectives asked questions. 

He’d always been deemed defective.

“Computer! Call me any defective Irkens that got reassigned instead of reset!” He demanded.

“YES SIR.” It responded, and 40 minutes later he had an office full of about 50 Irkens, most quite short. For an entire empire, that was ridiculously small. 

“This is all?” He asked, looking at his computer.

“ALL PRESENTLY ON IRK OR FOODCOURTIA. OTHERS WILL BE TELEPORTED IN LATER ONCE YOUR ORDERS ARE RECEIVED.” Zim nodded, accepting.

He then looked forwards, glancing down his nose at the smaller Irkens around him. None were shorter then he used to be, through. 

“Alright then. Let’s try this again.” He pulled up his screens again, covering the office in images. He motioned towards them. “This is art. Not just statues and murals of my glory, but other kinds of art. I’d like something like this made by Irkens. Are any of you capable of comprehending this?” Some still seemed confused, but one in the middle of the crowd almost seemed in tears. 

“Yes.” She whispered out. She then raised her hand, saying it louder. “Yes, I get it, my tallest!” 

He raised an antennae. “Rank and station, Irken?” 

She paled, looking down again. “Civilian, sir. Fry cook on Foodcourtia.”

Zim raised both antennae. “And your former station?”

She blinked, surprised. She’d obviously been expecting a reprimand. “Mechanic, in charge of Pak maintenance.” 

“Purpose of demotion.” She stood taller, catching onto something being off. Good, she was smart.

“I kept redesigning the external appearance of the pack to more aesthetically suit its wearers, breaking protocol.” 

Zim grinned. “Now why would you do that?” 

And he watched the fire reignite in this beaten Irkens eyes. “Because they’re hideous! We can do so much better! Each Irken has a different shape, form, and color. Yet the most variation we get is our uniform and pak matching our eyes! All of us wear stripes, and the ports on our packs are the only variation in color we are allowed. Half our population is fat, particularly well off, shorter invaders as they get as much food as the taller invaders. Do you know how bad horizontal stripes look on a fat Irken?!” She screeches. She’s panting for a moment before she comes back to herself, shrinking down in horror. “My Tallest.” 

Zim tutted. “No need to stop, THAT’S what I’m looking for.” He turned back to the screens, observing them. “Our empire is changing. I’ve decided on that. We haven’t been correctly using the resources available to us, we destroy too much.” He grins a little. “It’s fun, don’t get me wrong, but it’s a waste. Resource management? That’s easy, we have entire departments dedicated to it. But moral?” He shook his head. “We’ve never put much into that. We expect the mission to be enough, and fear to make it enough. The mission is gone now though. I have no intention of living like that anymore, so I shan’t make you. Most Irkens though, they fit the mold, they found ways to fit inside the box. They won’t know how to make a change like this, but you all?” He glances them over. “I bet you can. So, who wants to help me change the empire?” He grinned viciously as hands went up. He knew that feeling. That feeling of validation that the one girl displayed. He wanted to see that again.


End file.
